G.I. Joe. (F-Yeah!) Coming soon to a movie latrine near you.And featuring, of course, another Double-Gun-Fisted Super Fighter Chick, jumping to and fro, swinging high and low, firing two guns a'glow in combat lingerie and high heels. ("The Baroness," depicted above, looks like she's about to be violently expelled in a double-barreled bullet spew from the anus of an Area 51 War Ship, doesn't she?)
Me thinks, upon some celestial contemplation and calibration with the Great Platypus, that the monstrously ridiculous G.I. Joe Movie Trailer currently polluting the airwaves (and clogging the PMMF) makes for a few salient observations.
One, does it seem like good timing -- or taste -- for Hollywood to drop upon the world another hyperbolic, militaristic movie turd celebrating the super strength, super glory and super technological destructivity of the U.S. Super Fighting Super Forces? It's ... well ... it's not good.
And what are we to make of this repetitious movie icon of the Hot Lead Warrior Chick, clad in battle thongs and pointy breast molds, hoisting two-fisted iron anvils that spray streaks of bullets while somersaulting and landing in sassy snarling poses?The PMMF may be providing commentary on the male sexist ego, suggesting that it's too threatening to have a chick who can hold her own in battle with just one gun -- so let's make her a fantastical superhuman warrior babe who flits about with two barrels a'blazin'. Also, if the guns gripped by these celluloid female fantasy figures are to be considered symbolic phalluses, well ... draw your own conclusions.
Or perhaps it's not that at all, and it's empowering for women movie-goers to bask in the plausibility of the two-gun-handed, ass-kickin' femme fatale?
One thing's for sure; it's a proven movie gimmick. Big Hollywood has always gotta stick this absurd, double-blastin' female fighter in the melee. The omnipresence of this character, alone, probably guarantees 30-50 million pulpy brained male ticket buyers per flick.
Call me a sexist pig, but Angelina Jolie -- the reigning Queen of the Dual-Pistoled Chick Stance -- sure has some spindly thin arms
tobe lifting all that heavy metal and aiming with such precision. She's an excellent ambidextrous pistolera while splayed on the hood of a speeding sports car, though. I wonder ... does being a proponent of peace and salvation for adoptive children in war- and famine-ravaged Africa jive well with the blood-bath gun orgies globally propagated in her movies? Just a thought ...
And Pamela Anderson, in the 1996 Barb Wire laughfest, could shoot flames from one of her hand cannons without ever running her mascara or messing up the hair. All the while in those crazy stiletto boots.If I were a warrior chick, I'd go for some designer Nikes. Or at least flats. Those high-heels are murder when doing all that killin'.
